but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
