the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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