Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
