I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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