Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
