Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
