i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
