I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
