Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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