I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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