yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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