I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
