Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
