Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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