mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
