his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
