remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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