she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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