She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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