I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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