I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
