Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
