If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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