your parents love me but you hate me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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