i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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