he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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