tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
