I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
