need another drink. this is the easiest way
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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