Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
