Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
