i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
