i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
