wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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