Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
