How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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