Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
