Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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