All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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