I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
