You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Panties = found
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
