just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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