At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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