you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
