i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
