Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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