I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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