new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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