The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
