So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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