WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
