Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
