I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
