hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
