I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
