Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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