I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
