it was like eating out sand paper
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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