Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How's work?
Spinning.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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