just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
