Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
