Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
