I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
