you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
