Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
