Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
