I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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