are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
