idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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