I hate all girls vehemently.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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