i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
