Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
