Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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