not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
