you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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