hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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